Beyond Closed Doors
by FireWithinMidnight
Summary: Young Luke was forbidden to leave his mansion until he came of age -but no one expected a door that leads to freedom to exist next to him. Only his diaries were left behind. AU, pre-game.
1. Day 1

_This is another idea I had in my mind for some time after finishing watching the TotA anime –the 3DS porting was supposed to be out 20 days ago, but in reality no one has ever heard of it here _

_The original idea had the same writing structure of my other works –external point of view, important scenes being written with details instead of living them as summaries and action being told in the moment it "happens"._

_But then it became tedious quite soon and I switched to this form because it feels better. As such, there'll be a chapter for each addiction to the diary, which means there could be longer chapters or way shorter ones. __Many__ things will go unexplained because of the PoV, so in case just ask me and I'll answer one day or another._

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Tales of the Abyss and the characters who appeared in the game, and I do not earn any money from this story._

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

life's soooo boring here! Dad just told me Master Van isn't going to visit today, and won't come tomorrow or the day after and the other day after!

How am I supposed to TRAIN when Master Van isn't here for me? Honestly!

Dad told me there'll be shortly some Oracle Knights so I can train with them, but that's a load of fat good! No one is better than Master Van, and I should be trained only by the best! AKA, Master Van!

I tried to tell Dad about it but he wouldn't listen. He talked over some bunch of international affairs with Malkuth and Daath, but then he shut up and said it's none of my business. What's the meaning of THAT?! I'm going to be King once I come of age and marry Natalia, there are only 5 years left –and then I'll be able to go out of this bloody mansion too!- and people still believe I'm not ready!

Are they going to make me take the throne in absolute incompetence? My private tutor told me nasty tales of past Kings and Queens being put down because people judged them to be unfit to reign! I don't want to follow their fates!

I should either get out of the marriage contract or be a decent enough King, so people won't feel I deserve to be beheaded. But no. One. _Listens!_ They all tell me to wait!

Only Master Van has actually tried to have me receive some training. But then they refused him to so he took it upon himself after every sword training.

I'm not really fond of it, it's boring compared to sword play. But it's still less boring than sitting all day doing nothing. I wanna visit Baticul!

Anyway, after Dad had me thrown out because he had to meet some "_important guests_", there was this flock of maids all over me all offering to tend to my needs. Honestly, it was funny and all the first times, now they've been at it for a week and I'm sick and tired.

They treat me like their dressing dolls! I had to run away for my life's sake to leave all of them behind. I swear one of them was holding a pink dress for me to wear.

Yuck, pink. That's for girls! Natalia likes to wear blue but she's a tomboy so she doesn't count.

I'm currently sitting on a big branch of a tree in the internal garden. I don't care people say it's dangerous, I haven't fallen off a tree since that day 3 years ago and I'm not going to stop only because they told me to. The only problem is that Guy can easily find me because he likes this place too. Although I haven't seen him for the whole day so far, weird.

I can even see ol' Pere from here tending to the plants. I wonder how he manages to do the same things every day, all the days. Dad told me not to speak with him but I like some tales he knows on plants.

They're beginning to sound like each other though, Pere says it's because Dad approves only a specific circle of flowers in the mansion and there isn't much sense to talk about more tales when I can't admire the flower's beauty that goes with it.

I think it's stupid.

Anyway, maybe I should go take some snacks because I'm feeling hungry-

* * *

><p>You won't believe what happened! What I've seen. Ok, it's the same.<p>

I was looking at ol' Pere finishing his duties when a door appeared right behind my room! I'm not kidding, one second there was a wall ad the second after there was a door opening! Someone peeked out before slamming the door shut once more. Pere didn't notice anything. It happened right behind his back and he didn't even hear the noise!

The door's still there. It hasn't opened anymore –and no one else sees it. At least I think so.

I know what Master Van always says in cases like this, but I'm not going to let it down until I see what there's behind! I only have to avoid the maids and Guy, in case he's back.

* * *

><p>This is completely wicked! The door's real! I know, I opened it without problems. I dunno why the others can't see it but I can and I can open it too! It's amazing!<p>

There's a really small corridor behind, but it divides into more corridors. There was a set of stairs going both up and down but it was unsettling because they seemed to fade into nothingness. It looked like there really was nothing below and the stairs kept spiralling down forever.

There was a foul stench in the air, all drenched and soaked and humid. Bleah! I had to change my boots when I came back!

I think I heard someone else running while I was there, but I haven't seen anyone else. Oh well.

But now comes the good part! There was another door not so far from the one behind my room. Aaaaand behind it… Baticul!

I'm not a victim of an illusion! The other door opened in an alley somewhere in Baticul! I asked a passer-by where I was. I don't remember the rest –except that he looked at me like I was the first talking being he has ever seen in his life-, but I do remember he said we were in Baticul.

Can you think of the possibilities? I've wished for years to see the city and I couldn't because of my stupid amnesia and Dad and Mom were afraid they'd have me kidnapped again the second I stepped out of the door. Well, it didn't happen since I'm here to talk about it!

Maybe I should tell Master Van when he comes back. I could take a gift for him! Yulia knows he deserves it, but I have no idea what I could give him. I could ask Guy –he too has been spending much time with Master Van lately, when before they'd barely acknowledge each other's presence. I wonder why. Master Van's a good person.

Oh, Guy could be asking Master Van to train him too! That must be it.

I have to go, they're calling me for my daily lesson on Manners. Pssh, that's even more boring than all the politicals Master Van told me.

* * *

><p>I'm exhausted! I mean it! My tutors are a bit unforgiving, but I can understand because I'm going to be King –not that they really believe it, since at most I'm learned about sword, Manners, some literature and even more scarce historical and geographical sources. It's like they don't even care or want me to fail badly.<p>

But today my Manners tutor was more vicious than usual. He kept barking at any single mistake or what he deemed to be a mistake and even reduced one of the maids into tears. It was a really ugly show, even my Dad was looking all furious at the blatant misrespect. And he's supposed to be my MANNERS tutor! Mom sincerely wished to have him sacked and hire another tutor.

When it was all finished the sun had already settled down. I'm still not used at how quickly it gets all cold and dark –there was still a nice temperature a week ago. I also snagged some pieces of chatting elsewhere before they found me and told me to go play somewhere else.

There has been problems like this all over Malkuth and Kimlasca-Lanvaldear. People at Belkend and Daath are in uproar and doing their best to understand what's going on, and Master Van was called back because his authority over the Oracle Knights and God-Generals was needed.

They also talked about having a good chance at discovering the 7th Fonstone and completing the Score. Following the Score is apparently a good thing for everyone because it will lead to the wealth promised thousands of years ago, and now we're close at the ending of the cycle.

I wonder why Dad never told me about it and I had to found it through eavesdropping.

I took advantage of the occasion and asked a maid to have my meal directly in my room for dinner. I know Mom is going to worry to bits, but I'm sure Dad will have lots of comments and discussions at the table and I don't want to disturb him further, he's already angry on his own. Something keeps preventing him from telling me anything, there can't be any other explanation.

I still have the extra reading Guy gave me three days ago to keep me entertained while the adults run around like Yulia has just resurrected after dinner, like he said when he plopped all those blocks of paper on my bed. It's better than nothing.

Tomorrow I'll surely go in Baticul after lunch, it's the most calm time here I'll be back so soon no one will notice I was gone!

* * *

><p><em>Like I said, I only watched the anime of this game –I'm yet to own a 3DS and a copy of the porting as well. Anyway, the story begins some weeks before the game's events. Don't be afraid to point out when I get something wrong.<em>

_Of course, the whole matter with these "doors" wasn't present in the original game. I follow the game's story very loosely –as always. Canon elements like the Score and characters' personalities are still the same._

_This kind of writing comes to me easier when I'm not at the computer, so I'll probably keep on continuing it on paper while waiting for classes. On the other side, I have to take in count I'm writing from Luke's PoV; I don't know that much the character's personality and there're other things I have to keep in mind as well._

_Still, it's fun. As much as I'm happy there could be other people who enjoy reading my works, having fun is my main goal when getting to work. _

_Thank you all for reading!_


	2. Day 2

_**Twilight****PhoenixFyre:**Thank you for pointing out my mistakes! I've corrected a few misspelling that I didn't catch while re-reading and Pere's name. I believe Luke has known Pere for quite some time, it would be weird for him to write it wrong._

_I hope you'll still like this story in the future!_

_This chapter is shorter than the first: I don't have a minimum standard of words for chapters, so their length may vary incredibly. I can already tell there are going to be much, much shorter additions that may occupy less than half the screen._

_**Disclaimer:**I do not own Tales of the Abyss and the characters which appeared in the game, and I do not earn any money from this story._

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

the door's still there. I checked it, I feared mine was all just a wishful dream, but it wasn't. It's still there and the corridor looks just like it appeared yesterday, foul stench included.

Mom asked the servants to not bring food in my room so I had to have dinner with both Dad and Mom. It was my Mom's idea, I'm sure –Dad didn't even look at me or acknowledge my presence. To be fair, he treated Mom the same way. Probably there are more troubles with Uncle.

Mom looked paler than normal and coughed quite a lot during the meal. It wouldn't be an abnormality –she always comes down with an illness when the cold approaches- IF it actually was time for the cold season to arrive, and as you already know it's not.

The other problem is that my winter wardrobe is too noble for the peasants outside. They could recognize me the second I step out. Maybe I should take some cloths of Guy instead, he's still missing so he won't notice anything.

Anywa, Mom went back to bed immediately after breakfast. I stayed with her for a while until she fell asleep again. I have no idea what's in her mind –she asked me to stay close to her and let her comb my hair without adding any other word, despite how visibly pained she was.

Should I be worried?

After that, Master Van and Guy's absence feels even heavier. Master Van's one thing, but Guy never disappeared without a word before. Not even the other servants have any idea where he went. This is so strange.

Since I had no classes or training –I refuse to train with Oracle Knights! I want Master Van!- I went again to take a peek at that door. It's so tempting! Five steps and I'm in Baticul with a lot of people. I've never seen so many people before! There were so many of them I couldn't make out the rest of the view.

I didn't go through it only because ol' Pere suddenly came out of nowhere. I thought it back then and I still think it now –there's something strange. He spends most of his time tending the plants around my room in the last month. I dismissed as him having lost something in the vases, but it can't be. Not even I take a month to find what I lost if I know where I lost it –whatever it was.

I should be more careful once in Baticul, if I ever lose something there I won't be able to retrieve it. It would be gone before I even noticed my mistake.

Lunch will be served soon. I just need to be more patient, just a little bit.

* * *

><p>Baticul's GREAT! It's so high –when I looked over the wall, I could see more levels, each one bigger than the other. That big chasm around the city looks intimidating though. Also, aren't people scared of travelling in those small carriages dangling in the air? One slightly stronger gust of wind and SNAP!, they'd all fall down! Just who came up with that idea?<p>

My ears are still ringing badly. Is there always so much noise outside? There were people shouting everywhere. For some reason someone tried to look into my pockets, as if I'd take something from others! Why would they check if I had anything belonging to them?

There were even some kids! They ran through everyone and everything to touch each other. If someone manages to, they ran away in other directions and chase each other once more. I don't see the fun of it, but from the way they were laughing and shouting they must have been having a great time.

Although their manners are _appalling!_ They bumped into me and sneered, calling me an "old stuck up with a stick deep in my bum". Whatever they meant in the last part, I'm surprised there's no one to chastise and educate them properly.

If they were to know who I am, I'm sure their parents would punish them until eternity. But they don't know because I don't want them to know… If they knew, they could tell someone and words would surely reach Dad sooner or later!

There was another thing that I don't understand –there were people shouting to "come get fresh" something besides food, people walked up to them, took some of the goods and gave some coins back to the shouting fellow. What's the point? After all, isn't the food there to be taken? What do they want back?

Many people seemed equally obsessed toward the Score too. There was this woman who elbowed everyone while walking and murmuring she had to consult the Score to see what she gad to do for dinner. Does the Score say that too? It's a waste of writing space…

The best part, though, surely goes to the party they had: there was a long line of soldiers introduced by singers and dancers, immediately followed by richly decorated knights holding high the Kimlasca flag. The wind made it look even bigger and float over the crowd as a proud and majestic bird (this was someone's comment, I didn't see him just heard his voice). Everyone else was on their knees, begging, when some peasants were going around throwing shiny coins randomly and spinning –no one else could have heard that loud boy shouting about Kimlascan pride and faith and whatever. They were all too busy helping themselves to the fallen coins.

It was slightly unnerving, I gotta say that. When people talk about standing all together… It means only troubles. I know, the maids at home gather together in occasions like that new girl setting the kitchen on fire, on when Dad orders them to because "it requires everyone's collaboration" or something like that.

But it could be natural too! There're always so many people around in Baticul apparently. Although if they were to stand together they'd all die of air deprivation.

The children running and shoving everyone aside were soon gone after the party disappeared from sight. The last one of them tugged on my clothes and shoved a hand in my pocket –and was then promptly scolded by an plump woman. She was really old. Like, she had wrinkles all over her face and hands and I could see wisps of hair under her foulard.

She kept on bowing and asking for forgiveness for the scrawny brat. Why should I? I asked and she isn't related to him, so she isn't part of his family and it's not her fault their parents didn't care about giving them an education.

Besides, if she really wanted me to forgive them, she could chastise them and then get their fathers and mothers to do their job. She looked like she was ready to cry at that –damn it! I don't think I've said anything wrong. But she didn't even explain herself, just took the child away without looking back.

Afterwards, I didn't really pay much attention at what was going on because it was getting late for me to stay out. So far I'm the only one who can use that door, but I thought over the "why" yesterday night.

I know I couldn't see it until someone else opened it while I was looking. Ol' Pere didn't even hear it closing, so the only sense involved is sight. If someone was to see me using the passage, they could become aware of it –and then they'd tell Dad and Uncle and farewell Baticul. I can't come back when there're too many chances of being seen by random maids or servants…

* * *

><p>So bored.<p>

Yes, yes I know –I've repeated it to death and back. But really –what ELSE can I do?

Dad sacked my last instructor and left me with some words about "it's getting time for it"… Or was it "it's nearly time"? One of them anyway. I'd say I hope they finally understood what a future king needs, but adults be adults –and not ones with great records behind.

And with Uncle, I really, really doubt Dad or Mom don't know what a king does and needs to know. They're waiting for something, but what?

Guy's still not here, Mom is still weak and ill in bed the maids are being more fussy than necessary. They didn't care whether I was entertained or not in the past, but now they are and try to pull me away at any waking moment. And Lorelei forbids if I try to ask about Master Van or if they know when Dad's going to hire new teachers for me, I'd only spring new conversations about if pink ribbons go well with my hair.

Adults.

I wish I was still out in Baticul, at least there's so much to see there! So much to visit! Ok, people don't give me the respect I deserve, but it's a necessary evil. I lived cooped up in the same constricted place for seven years and without anymore hope of recovering my past, I can live through that.

Maybe I should research about the city for tomorrow –because I AM going outside again, I won't wither away into nothingness in this prison!- so I don't get lost and see the most important parts of the city. Of course Uncle's castle is out of question, I'm not that stupid. Besides, I tried asking a lowly ranked servant and he spouted something about not being allowed to tell me anything because Dad said I shouldn't know-

Wait.

Now that I think about it –could it be Dad is on a "don't let Luke know anything of his future heritage" program? After all he is the one in charge of my education, and I haven't been educated properly on how to be a good king. On the contrary! Just today Dad sacked all the teachers I had left-!

How does Natalia call them? Conspirations? Conspiracies? Yeah, that's it –conspiracies. Could Dad be on a conspiracy-thing? But what about Mom? She wouldn't do anything against me, but she does stay behind Dad and let him do and say whatever he wants, then she shuts herself ill in her room… And the servants? The one I asked surely was, the maids all shift argument when I make questions-

Where is Master Van? I need him! I need Master Van!

What's going on?

* * *

><p><em>Luke was raised in the fear of another possible kidnapping, and he's part of a royal family. I don't believe he's too far from being afraid of treason and doubting most of his closer figures, since his parents do strike me as far and nearly uncaring.<em>

_And then Natalia, good princess always running around to help people and building herself an incredible reputation among the poorer folks. King's daughter or not, I'll be baffled if she never teased scary Luke of all the bad things that can happen in a royal court._


	3. Day 3

_Hello everyone, I hope the wait was somewhat worth it!_

_On one side I've got a copy of Tales of the Abyss for the 3DS, on the other side I don't have a 3DS. The new XL edition seems worth it, though. Longer batteries are always a plus for me._

_Still, I've got more urgent things for my money, like rents, bills and the laptop I had to send in assistance due to a busted monitor. Damn it all._

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

I couldn't sleep that well last night. I've locked both the door and the windows, the curtain is down too.

I feel like that time Guy told me a monster would come out from under my bed and kidnap me if I didn't memorize the alphabet before it was dinner time. Ok, I'm not clinging on Mom's dress and screaming for someone to save me from the monster now, I didn't think I would be so embarrassed of it years later! Guy got quite reprimanded for his prank back then though, that jerk.

In other words, with hell I'm stepping out of my room!

I've already sent back the maid who brought me breakfast, I know Dad is going to say something about it sooner or later. Or he could have my door forced open –please no. Please please please no.

My only escape is the door behind my room –they'd be too busy looking for me here to notice I'm out in Baticul. Yes! That works, I'll make it work!

Should I tell Natalia? Or –could she be on it like everyone else? How can I trust them? I'm always looked upon as if I'm some kind of insufferable brat playing adult. No, no I can't trust them. I can't trust adults, not with their "we know better than you" attitude. Even Guy looks badly at me. I believe he thinks I didn't notice –let him think that. No, I can't ask Natalia either. She would immediately speak with Uncle and Uncle would talk with Dad and no no no.

Why isn't Master Van here?!

It's all so damn cold and miserable. I should pick heavier clothing. I should have thought about it before locking my door.

…There ISN'T a monster under my bed, right?

So far I've managed to not think about food –until now, that's it. My stomach must have raised the dead!- by reading. I'm surprised I have so many books laying around in my room. I really don't enjoy reading –I hate staying still when I can exercise and run around. Life's already so boring here, all stuffed in the same mansion. It's not so big after five years.

Of course, now I can't take care of my swordplay. I'd utterly destroy my last bastion. I did it once, Dad wouldn't stop ranting about it and he was still at it the day after.

I was saying, with so much time and literally nothing to do I picked up my old books again. Most if not all of them have bookmarks shoved little before half the story or even before a quarter of it. I don't remember ever finishing one of them, and if I did I've utterly forgotten about it so it's like I've never read it in the first case.

But the worst thing is, well, according to the notes on the cover, they're all children's books.

The only ones which AREN'T children's books are the few I've gotten on my instructors' requests. Which covered everything BUT what I'm looking for, information and maps on Baticul and its inhabitants and customs and-

I'm scared. Really, really scared.

I don't want to be here anymore. Something's on and everyone's on keeping me out of the circle. How much of it does really depend on my kidnapping five years ago?

…My stomach is grumbling again. What to doooooooooooooooooooooo…

* * *

><p>Just a quick note: Dad did come and ordered me to open the door immediately. I refused, who cares if he gets angrier.<p>

It took some time but he finally stopped reminding me of my heritage and not to act like a child. Yet he obviously thinks I'm one, given what my library is made out of…

The only exception seems a collection of stories where the bad guys end up dead or worse. One had girls who, after mutilating their feet, were forced to dance for their saint sister's pleasure, and there were crows pecking their eyes out. I don't care what they did before, this is just disgusting. For all the poor girl was mistreated, she really isn't any better than them.

* * *

><p>There are still maids and butlers roaming outside my room… They often stop to talk with each other, it's mostly personal rubbish no one would even believe someone else wants to know, unless they're both trying to get their minds off another subject. I know I've read and sketched more this day than in a whole year.<p>

However, at times they speak about the Score, just like the other people in the city.

It's mostly about how they cannot leave the mansion to check their future, and one of them sounded so distressed she was surely going to bash something against a wall like a rabid animal.

I didn't enjoy hearing that. I don't like loud noises either, but everything just echoes in here, from a servant sneaking around my room to my father's yells. All those epic battles sound really better when out family's musician sings and recites, not when they're raging outside.

In a way, this is similar to one of those deadly siege, the enemy would cut any connection to vital resources and the defendant would slowly bleed out its food and water, and unless a hero came to its help people would grow so weak and die and then they either surrender or the enemy conquers everything without unsheathing any weapon.

Master Van told me many times weapons are both a great and a terrible tool. They can defend your kin from evil, they can be used to change and better the world and they can even be useful as everyday's tool: even a maid's kitchen knife can be used to fight, although it was forged for cutting and mincing meal for fixing up a tasty meal.

Or like how axes are used to cut wood, which is still used to warm a house up in many occasions, but it's also useful for building!

But weapons are also used to kill… I can't understand how and why people could kill each other.

Master Van said that happens because we are all humans, and humans are weak to power. Give them a weapon and a way to elude their punishments, and humans will start killing each other for every single crumb of power, it doesn't matter how small it actually is in reality.

He also said beasts and weapons themselves are better than humans during these ages of darkness because neither wish for power: beasts are driven by instincts of survival, weapons are merely tools used, manipulated and discarded by humans. If a world was inhabited only by beasts or weapons it would be the best world ever, free from any conflict and destruction.

Although Master Van always looks sad when telling me this. He brushes it off as nothing, but it's difficult not to notice it. I guess that's because he doesn't want to appear weak in front of me –no hero allows himself to look weak because evil would jump at any opportunity and it would demoralize the people he fights for.

Master Van is really like a hero! He's strong, he's the best teacher I ever had, he doesn't ignore me or treat me like a fragile, priceless piece of glass, he's the best warrior ever and takes care of me –more than my parents do. Dad is always busy and Mom's health has been terrible since my birth.

They don't do it on purpose, but Master Van is always closer to me than they are…

* * *

><p>Somehow, it's currently still little after dinner time. It always seems the day is way too long for me, but today it was even worse!<p>

I've had dinner again in my room but only after the maid left my door alone. I feared there were people ambushing me immediately in case I went out, but it wasn't so luckily. Just, Dad had another shouting match with the wall and I could hear Mom crying as well.

The mansion is so eerily silent. All activities have died down, and though I ranted about the noise before now it's just so creepy and scary! There was this story where an arrogant prince had been cursed to live his whole life in utter silence after he refused to stop having so many parties, as they were so noisy they made the deads walk on earth once more and even reached the gods.

And when he could hear again, he lived long enough only to hear a blade slicing his heart.

I know it's fantasy! I know it's just a book. Mom and Dad always told me, as did Guy and Master Van. They're books, whatever is in them cannot reach me. But I'm afraid this is going to be my situation now… The story made the prince be a bad guy so it was supposed to be his rightful punishment, but the criteria for being a bad guy are so ridiculous I might be one of them for throwing a "tantrum", like Dad shouted before.

What if I end up unable to do anything in the night, only to hear my room's door open and…

It was in one of the musician's ballads, if I'm not wrong. Terrible emperors being slain in their sleep still full of their crimes and sins when they were at their absolute weakest point. The musician's ballads usually focus on the hero fighting the bad guy in the open and at most show the beheaded remains of the evil king to the now liberated people.

But the guys dead in their sleep stand out so much more, those tales might as well not exist now. I need air! I need something else to watch other than my room's walls!

I could leave before dawn tomorrow! No one is going to notice if I touch a meal or not. They're dead set on believing I'm just misbehaving and that my "phase" will be soon over for some new shiny toy they'll offer to get me out of here, like in the past.

I'm not staying around for so long, I need to be out of here, specially now that I can! And without having to ask any adult for it!

* * *

><p><em>Maybe I should start keeping a "Master Van count" after each chapter.<em>

_So, I'm not sure whether I said it before or not, but the fanfic is placed two years before canon's events; coupling that with the utterly AU nature of the "doors" Luke found, everyone's plans are going to hell before they even begin or enter their crucial phase._

_I recognize I may have gone overboard with the last part: Luke here probably appears to be an even more unstable and socially inept kid than he's in canon._

_On my part, my same memories in my old old diaries that I magically still have around bear the same impression when I re-read it, and I don't know anyone who'd accept to show me the diaries they wrote when they were kids._

_So, uhm, the 4th chapter is about a quarter done? It may be slightly longer than the previous one as it has an important place for the immediate future plot –where everything does go to hell. We'll see._

_Thank you for reading!_


	4. Day 4

_So, I got a 3DS XL. Except that I'm using it to play Pokémon Black/2 and Heartgold. _

_I'm still at the second boss at Tales of the Abyss. Is it me or are the bosses real bastards to take down in that game? _

_There's not much to say in this chapter, so far I'm still in the "Too damn long Prologue" part. The first turning point is approaching soon at least._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Tales of the Abyss and the characters that appear in the game. I do not earn any money from this story. Unbeta'd_.

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

I'm writing at the crack of dawn! I did manage to get some sleep in the end, buuuuuuut I still woke up because of a horrible nightmare!

I dreamt Master Van telling me I was utterly worthless and wasn't worthy of his teachings. Over and over again! Then there were random faceless people popping out of nowhere to point and laugh at me and insult me.

They were grinning and saying things like I was just a little talentless brat, I wasn't fit to become King, all I could do everyday is getting in everyone's way just because I was bored and I thought I was entitled to ordering people around despite the fact I had nothing to back my authority up...

Their whispers kept getting stronger as more people appeared and circled me! I had no way to escape! Then they all started merging together and became a single mass full of heads that jumped on me!

Even after waking up I stayed still in fear before I remembered all the times Master Van taught me or looked after me. If he had thought I was worthless, he would have never taught me anything!

Well, the only good thing out of this is that it reminded me to set the alarm to sound later in the morning. That, and I sticked a "Keep out!" sign on the door outside _and_ the door's locked anyway! And dear Dad won't be able to use a master key or something because my key still resides in the lock.

It will prevent anyone from inserting a key from outside! I found this trick in one of the book I have!

But I also have the perfect plan to get out and back in without using the main door! It's about the window. It only appears to be closed and obscured -ok, it is obscured for real, but that's not the point!-, it's actually open if you know where to look.

Only Guy would consider getting through the windows of my room. Dad always makes a point over how people use doors, only uncultured savages would drop through a window or something.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that trick with the window if Guy was actually around. But he hasn't been at the mansion lately, there's no chance he suddenly reappears today!

So, I'm here out in _Baticul!_ Now this makes everything better. To hell with the nightmare and Dad's nagging, I'm free!

Though I still wonder why there's a door behind my room leading outside. It's like fonon or something, that short story didn't explain a single thing about "fonon".

I just know it can do incredible things and it can be classified in more kinds of powers.

I have no idea where I should go. Baticul's much, much bigger than my mansion! I can't get close to guards either or they could go tell Uncle I'm outside.

Maybe I could follow people around like the other day, but back then there were way more people than today. I can only see people dressed as servants walking with tools on their backs or shoulders, they don't speak or greet each other or anything.

Although they all share the same thing: they've got some read puffy eyes and give me a really bad look if they turn around while I'm watching them. One of them shouted at me to get away when I tried to follow her! How dared she! Dad would have me grounded if I was to show such horrible manners, while she can get away with it!

Anyway, those thing they have going on with their eyes is creepy in my opinion, could it be an infection or the result of some illness? I don't want to fall ill!

However, I haven't seen many soldiers here. I decided to go down another alley and it brought me to the last level of Baticul, you know, the one right over the abyss? It's both a breathtaking and utterly terrifying sight.

There's nothing but a sharp drop in the darkness for miles in the distance -I tried to take a look at the chasm below, my head started spinning and I nearly toppled over! I'm never doing it again-, there's only a bridge that appears to be really thin from here above the abyss. I take people usually use the elevators to get in.

Honestly, I find it a little bit impractical. Yes, it's basically impossible to invade Basicul from the outside with only troops on foot, but about fonon? What about any attack that may come from the sky? Baticul would wind up isolated pretty quickly and with no secret underground passages to let people escape.

This position is also impractical for me because the upper elevators are guarded by knights! I'm stuck at the lower level unless I use the weird damp tunnel that sprouted behind my room and go elsewhere.

I have to admit I don't like that place at all. The second you close a door it's so eerily silent, any noise makes me jump out of my skin! At most I heard something splash in the distance or whatever was going on outside a door anytime I tried to eavesdrop.

Thinking back, the door appeared to me only when someone peeked out. Does it mean whoever sees someone else using one of those doors he or she becomes able to see and open the doors as well? I can't think of another explanation that could make sense!

I'm afraid to ask anyone. I don't know their real intentions. I don't know what they want from me, or what I am in their plans. The door gives me the freedom I need and I won't let them know about it!

I feel slightly queasy -q_u_e_a_s_y, look, I can write it without misspelling it!- at the idea of telling Master Van too. I mean- don't get me wrong! Master Van is Master Van! Just...

I want to do this by myself! I'll prove him I can totally take care of myself and that their adult things don't scare me! Whatever they're trying to do, I'll foil all their schemes!

Ah, it's getting really cold. I nearly ran into a guard to get this mantel at home, but it was totally worth it. It doesn't make me look like a noble -so people won't call the guards on me- and I can blend in the crowd. Not like there's a crowd now, but it would have been nice to have this at the party the other day.

I think I'll look for some place to crash in until the wind calms down. I really don't like those black clouds, why is it going to rain exactly when I decide to spend the whole day outside? It's not fair!

* * *

><p>Guess what! I've found that old woman who asked me to forgive those children she was with at the party!<p>

I feel bad now though. Remember how I told her it wasn't her fault but the children's parents who didn't bother to educate their offspring? Well, turns out those children don't have parents. Some of them never even knew them.

The old lady, whose name is Telma, told me parentless children are called orphans and are rounded up and sent into orphanages. There are adults who take care of the children and educate them in case they reach adult age and haven't been adopted by another family.

The place looked rundown and ready to collapse onto itself from the outside, plus the only vegetation in the garden in this time of the year are dried up twigs. Instead it was really fine and clean inside, there was a boy showing some of them children how to fix and patch their own clothing and someone else was reading stories to the youngest tenants.

The kids that had tried to pickpocket me -Telma explained me this concept. She says my face first goes utterly slack and then I visibly frown and squeeze my eyes whenever I hear words whose meanings I dunno. It's incredible how much you can pick from the people's expressions!- nearly knocked me off my feet when they saw me.

Oh, about pick pocketing, it's a way people can steal money and valuables from a person without said someone noticing he's being robbed. Apparently this money is used to pay for food, furniture, homes, weapons and other goods, but it can be legally gained by working. People who steal are called thieves and are against the laws.

The kids here have no reason to pickpocket anyone, they'd end up with extra spare money in case they want to buy something they don't need but want. They believed I carried lots of money on my person because I wore expensive clothes, like those owned by nobles.

Of course I couldn't tell them my real identity. The less people know it, the more free time I have in Baticul! That and I fear whatever punishment Dad would come up with if he ever comes to know I leave the mansion when he believes I'm barricaded in my room.

The orphanage is a two floors building, though there's also a basement; the ground floor has a small kitchen directly connected to the canteen, moreover there's a door that opens onto the garden, there's also a classroom where children gets to know how to write, read and a basic education, however the older kids either help the caretakers or find an instructor in Baticul that will introduce them to the future job they chose.

Right now they're renovating an unused room into a library, which will hopefully contain any book either donated by others or bought by the caretakers. Telma told me they got all the funds from Natalia! I suppose this is what she meant every time she berated me because I didn't care about my future people. Still, I had no idea she actually worked alongside commoners! She's always so bossy and strung up on etiquettes and all.

There are two more rooms: one contains all the toys the orphanage owns, the kids can buy their own personal toys if they have the money and can keep those in their bedrooms. There was a mini stage along all the toys, it's for any puppet show they come up with.

The last room is where potential adoptive parents meet potential adoptive sons and daughters. When it's not used for that occasion, though, it's turned into an infirmary for ill or hurt kids.

The upper level isn't anything interesting, it has all the kids and caretakers' bedrooms -although some people who work here have a house elsewhere- and two bathrooms. Food and everything else is kept in the basement, which is locked all the time and only caretakers have the necessary key to open it.

I got to greet a few other adults working here, but I didn't get their names. I hope I don't have to call them before I learn them, or it will be so awkward.

Back to those brats! They still badmouthed me at any occasion -that comment about having a stick up my butt was about how strict and bad I was because I denied them extra spare money, I just scratched my head and went along with it because I didn't want to get a headache out of it- but at least they got chewed out by the other adults!

Yeah, adults are fine unless it's me the one they're scolding. They'd chew me out too if they were to know how much I enjoyed seeing those brats being put back in their rightful place.

That aside, they mellowed out a bit when they got to play. The other day, when they bumped into me, they were playing "Tag". Basically, one kid becomes "it" and has to chase the others. If he or she touches another kid, that kid becomes "it" and the previous "it" has to escape like the others.

Today, instead, they wanted to play hero. So they looked for sticks that had the same figure of a sword, one of the little girls was chosen to be the Princess they were going to save -she insisted on being called "Natalia" the whole time- and I had to be the evil guy who had kidnapped the princess.

The canteen was a complete mess after we were done! And right before lunch time! The children and I had to clean and re ordinate the place before we could have lunch.

However they didn't get to save the Princess! I may have cheated, I do know more about swordsmanship than them, but don't worry! None of them got hurt apart from a superficial bruise or two.

I was offered lunch too! I got really lucky, I have none of this money-thingy they taught me about to get food outside and my stomach was already complaining. I think I went all white because a future King should never have a growling stomach, but they said nothing about it and just laughed.

Lunch was really simple -some meat in a thin broth, the bread they got yesterday and a few fruits. That said, it was one of the best lunch ever! Kids and caretakers welcomed me without problems and didn't care about what I did as long as I didn't knock everything over or wasted food or took someone else's food in my plate. Most of the time was also spent talking, though I didn't try to insert myself in any conversation because I didn't know what I could have said.

Commoners just have completely different problems and lives. Here I am, escaping from my home and trying my best to not be taken back -because I also fear what is really going on at home, why I received such an abysmal education that could get me axed soon after becoming King. Instead they worry about terrible crops, the costs of running the orphanage, a cousin of theirs who raises Rappigs but had all her Rappigs stolen and the high tension between Malkuth and Kimlasca-Lanvaldear.

They fear a war will soon break out. In that case, soldiers would come to collect the kids to enrol them and send them in the battlefield. That horrifies me so much! I had to put down my apple when they said that. Why would Uncle order such things?

I actually stayed until dinnertime (when they served a soup with all the vegetables that were soon going to go bad) but I didn't get to play in the afternoon. Right after lunch the kids were brought to their respective rooms for their nap. The older boys and girls would help the caretakers in the kitchen or in the soon-to-be library, while Telma asked my help in washing the laundry.

I think she was this close to pulling her hair out as she taught me how to wash clothing. I also had to learn sewing right after that because I nearly ripped a shirt apart. The thread is incredibly visible but it will do, for now.

After the nap, the younger kids were to go to the classroom and study while the older ones either went to their personal instructors or to run some business for the orphanage. Instead I received a crash course on cleaning floors, dusting old furniture and washing the dishes too!

After _that_, she handed me the vegetables that were going in the soup and had me chopping them. I'll never think badly of servants ever again! I nearly lost my temper simply learning all this, I wonder how they manage to go through their days while working like this every day.

Yet somehow it feels incredibly satisfying in the end. They won't be anything remotely attracting and will stand out as a sore thumb, but the fact I can put clothing together after ripping it is amazing! Before all I could do was giving it to a servant to repair or plainly throwing it away.

It's like I'm on my way to be useful or something, you know? Well, not really like that. But the most I did to pass the time was having fights with my pitiful instructors or studying swordsmanship or complaining about having nothing to do. Today time passed in a flash, I really wouldn't mind living outside instead of coming back to this giant trap.

I so wanna go out again. I don't want to stay cooped up in here anymore waiting for their conspiracy to take place. Natalia isn't the only noble who can work and get people's affection! Here is my real test toward my life as King of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear!

* * *

><p><em>Luke's so quite a hyperactive child here he goes into OoC territory. <em>

_Then again he didn't decide to be transported in another part of the world at the beginning of the game, so him being a brat whining all the time about getting home shouldn't apply here. When it came to going to Azkeriuth to be a Hero, well._

_We also witness Luke's first real experience outside the fon Fabre's mansion. Hopefully, he won't be a lost cause in the wilderness next time; he knows what money is and its role in transactions at least._

_Until next time, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


	5. Day 5

_** letsgetretarded:**__ I will, don't worry. I'm just slow at writing ''_

_** guikat:**__ I'm sorry I gave you this impression ^^; If you want to know, as long as a story of mine is still up I'll work on it, or I'll put a notice on my profile._

_** SakurasFly:**__ Thank you for both the compliment and the tips! I'll put them to good use. _

_** patrick the almighty observer:**__ Here's your update, enjoy!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Tales of the Abyss and the characters that appear in the game. I do not earn any money from this story. Unbeta'd._

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><p>Dear diary,<p>

Natalia found me.

Oh, she didn't find the Door, just that I can snuck out while everyone still believes I'm entrenched in my room.

(Bleah, I'm not using that word anymore. It's so weird and has a bad sound).

I should have thought of this possibility, Telma DID tell me the dear princess was making sure the orphanage received the necessary funds for taking care of the stray kids and renovating the place. At least Natalia didn't blab me out in front of everyone.

Let me recap: I woke up at dawn, dodged ol' Pere who spent about half an hour around my place -probably to catch me and report everything to Dad- and went to the orphanage. Telma set me to work once again, this time I had to catalogue all the medicinal herbs and gels they had stored and also had to split them into two categories. Who knew things get spoilt over time?

It wasn't a difficult job, only long and sometimes tedious. Those rotten gels smell _awful!_ I had to throw the bag into another bag and close it tightly just to reduce the smell to an unpleasant scent.

They were also all viscous, I'm not sure what feels worse: having my hands all red and scratched and cold after manually washing clothes, or having my hand covered in putrid goo. Oh wait, I think I know, I'll take washing clothes anytime. At least my hands will be clean, if somewhat cold and in pain.

So I finished making the inventory and stayed five minutes in one of the bathroom to wash my hands when Telma tells me there's a person she wants to introduce to me and she's waiting at the entrance.

Turns out said person was Natalia. At least she had a ball in her hands and not something breakable, because she dropped it the second she saw me.

And seeing her spluttering and speechless and so unpricess-like was priceless.

What came afterwards wasn't as funny. She regained enough form to ask Telma and the other tenants for some privacy before she clutched and twisted my ear and dragged me along in the empty soon-to-be library. _Then_ she spent hours upon hours drilling questions after questions in my head.

Of course, her first words were along "what the hell are you doing here, your father believes you're at home and refusing to come out of your bedroom!", not that I blame her. I do blame her for taking the only chair in the room and forcing me to sit on the still under work floor. It didn't hurt it wasn't exactly the ultimate in comfort.

And I couldn't stand up until she gave me permission!

I also came to hate that pointed look that screamed "I don't believe you" she gave me anytime my answers didn't satisfy her. I crashed through ALL her variations of "how did you get out" until she just understood it was a lost cause, but after that I merely sticked to truth.

She laughed at me when I told her about a possible conspiracy against me! It was so embarrassing. I tried to get her to stop but whatever I said or shouted only made her laugh harder.

I had to wait for her to stop choking on her laughter when I noticed her reaction didn't change even when I said something completely unrelated, like how Mica (I finally learned the name of another caretaker! She mainly keeps an eye on the children to make sure they don't wreck havoc) loudly proclaimed the Score had said we were going to have pasta today for lunch, so instead we're going to have fish.

Even then it wasn't easy. She simply didn't want to believe me. I had to make a list of all the instructors I had and how Master Van was the only one who taught me without having that "I really don't want to be here" expression all the others had before her damn smirk slipped off her face.

In the end she simply admitted my situation is really strange, specially now that Dad simply fired all the instructors I had and basically left me alone to take care of my own education.

What tipped off Natalia more was how Guy has disappeared in thin air lately. She said that, since he's my personal servant, he should be with me almost the whole time. Instead he's shirking off his duties to go Score-knows-where.

Her first suggestion was taking it to Uncle, but I protested at this. She said I'm nearly a cry baby, I said I have no reason to trust them so much. If she really has to ask her old man, I hope she just won't waltz in and question him if he's making sure with Dad I'll be a terrible King.

...That would probably be my first choice. How come it's always stupid when someone else does it, but when I imagine it there's nothing wrong with the picture?

While I appreciate how I could tell Natalia of my problems -not that you're insignificant for me, but you can't answer me back or support me-, now she's going to hold it over my head to blackmail me. I knew it was coming but I had to choose the lesser devil and, well.

All that aside, Natalia said that since I don't have any education going on at home, she'll try to find free time to personally educate me and whip my butt up in a crash course for the throne and ruling over my future people.

Which basically boiled down to being offered to Telma and the others as the orphanage's mule for all the hard and heavy jobs since I'm so eager to do something useful.

And she's the lesser devil!

Eh, it's not like she was going to stay here the whole time. Unlike me, she has duties at court and in other parts of Baticul and cannot leave Uncle alone for lunch. On the other side, Natalia told me there are lots of stress with Malkuth and Uncle is torturing himself to find a way to maintain peace.

The Score (I don't like it, I really really don't like it, it strikes me as something really wrong) has foreseen no wars this year and apparently deviating from the Score will condemn the world to never enter the age of endless prosperity or something.

What about maintaining the peace so people aren't shipped off to fight and die? No, the Score said it must be peace so we're going to work toward peace. Would they go to war if a piece of shiny stone told them to?

However, Natalia promised me she's going to be here again tomorrow morning and she'll bring something for me to study. She said she's not going to marry the complete fool am now: I'm hopelessly behind in _everything!_ Can you believe it? I say, it's like they're sending me to my death on purpose!

And so Natalia covered for me and told Telma we met under unfortunate events and that she was appalled I was so ignorant of how life works, but as I have no stable home she couldn't keep a steady eye on me.

One day, one day she's going to pay for this humiliation, damn it!

* * *

><p>Did I say I'm not going to underestimate the amount of work a servant has to go through and the skills one has to have to complete said work? I did, didn't I?<p>

I'm dead tired. As Natalia proposed to have me do all the heavy jobs, everyone else followed her suggestion while telling me I must have been feeling proud our noble princess placed her faith in me!

Faith? More like the wooden planks on my back. Nooks are now my worst enemy, right before Natalia, soggy food and children's books.

And then one of the children stumbled and threw a bucket full of icy cold water at me. All that wood and weight and calloused hands and begging back for _nothing_, I had to chew on the soaked mantel to keep myself from exploding and tearing the brat a new one.

I'm not sure what "tearing him a new one" means but I don't care! And another caretaker yelled at me for being a slow lazy ass because apparently I took my sweet time cleaning my hands when I was trying to get wooden thorns out of my hands and arms. They were also quite bruised because the damn plank fell on me, but no, I was trying to skip my newfound duties like an unruly kid.

He also slapped me! The nerve of him! Like he was any better, staying the whole time shouting things and insults at the others while he himself did nothing. I don't care how petty it is, I'm so blacklisting him and I'll give him hell once I become King!

The guy with short hair (still don't know his name) told me to drop it after he separated us. Apparently the jerk is going through tough problems so he's quite irritable, moreover he doesn't trust newcomers that much and that's exactly what I'm in his eyes -a grasshopper who doesn't know how the world works and causes problems for everyone.

Pah, what a bunch of junk! I don't see commoners being that understanding when a noble goes through "tough problems", I bet they'd immediately jump on talking behind his back and saying how he should just keep together because the bastard gets all their money so how dares he to be snappy!

And the jerk did it again when I had one of those sudden headache -coupled with that weird voice I hear nearly every time I have a migraine- because I dropped the casket. I also fell on my knees and hit the nook of the door with the head, but _no_, I was just faking it to get out now that the orphanage wasn't giving me food and lodging for free.

It was horrible, there were also the children watching everything because the commotion had distracted them from their lesson. The kid playing "Natalia" from yesterday approached me to see if I was alright or if I had gotten a boo boo.

Then the situation degenerated because the other caretakers began to take sides, the teacher was trying to get the children back but they didn't want to, so I left in a rush.

I've gotten mixed thoughts on the matter now. It's like things gain a new light in the darkness of my room.

I will never forgive him for slapping me and insinuating I wasn't working, but maybe jumping at him wasn't the best solution.

I wanna go back to the orphanage, but it burns inside. I want to yet a part of my mind tells me I shouldn't show up, I caused enough problems.

But I have nowhere else to go and I promised Natalia I'm going to be there tomorrow. I hope it will go away with a good night of sleep.

...And I even skipped dinner. My stomach is going to keep me awake now even if I want to sleep! It's not fair! Why did this have to happen!

* * *

><p><em>The second part of this chapter was more difficult than I expected to write because it's seen by Luke. <em>

_Boy has no social skill so far and it's only going to get worse._

_Until next time, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


	6. Day 6

_First of all, a big "Thank you!" to every new follower and favourite! _

_Second, I've been writing random snippets of this story but from other characters' PoV, as this is strictly from Luke's. It was mostly to remember what happens around Luke that he'll probably never get to know, however the story may be too confusing like this. The snippets aren't that long so, if I publish them here along __Beyond Closed Doors__, the updates will be even shorter than this one. I'll probably upload them if it ever gets to the point nothing makes sense anymore, I guess._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Tales of the Abyss and the characters that appear in the game. I do not earn any money from this story. Unbeta'd._

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

I wasn't sure of what to do. I wasn't in the mood to stay in the same building with that jerk, but I did have an appointment with Natalia to honour. And, well, I ended up dawdling in my room and I may or not have ended up unable to leave until half to noon.

Natalia wasn't amused, I tell you.

I tried to explain why I didn't arrive on time, but she didn't want to hear it! She started right away complaining about how rude it is to keep people waiting, especially when the one making others wait is the future prince consort.

Yeah, she had to repeat that to me more than once. While I'm third in line of succession, if I marry Natalia I'll be prince consort as she'll be the one to inherit the throne. Still, I'll be king to most soldiers and people, but not to other aristocrats.

We didn't get much done today. Mostly she spent what little time we had muttering how unprepared I am for our future life together. It hurt badly when she started about how inconvenient it is that I don't remember anything. I was a proper future prince, I knew how to move among other nobles and I kept my people on such high consideration I'd have sacrificed my life for them. Instead now I'm more interested in swordplay but only when Master Van is around to teach me, so she said.

I didn't want to listen to her rehearsing the same argument we had for the last three years so I slipped away while she was ranting. I even found that jerk from yesterday eavesdropping on us! Such nerve!

He also dared to look at me like I was some kind of disgusting spot of dirt that refused to be washed away! Hadn't Natalia been in the soon-to-be-library and Maca on the other side of the room I'd have replied to him like he deserves!

At least Telma understood me immediately. She let me have what was left of the morning free. I had to get some wood right after lunch, but I was so upset I didn't have much of an appetite so it didn't spoil the food. The kids also understood there was something wrong and didn't approach me.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired to hear people whispering behind me and people outright telling me how sad and bad my amnesia is, and can't I just revert to who I was and how I behaved before the accident already, please? Like I'm going this on purpose, that's what they're thinking, I know it!

On these days I'm the first one who wants to remember everything and not to skip classes and tutors and homework. It's not like I've got anyone left teaching me anything except Master Van! But no, I must keep my head elsewhere because I like watching them all frustrated and wasting their time with things I'm already supposed to know by heart, so no one is really motivated to help me.

With the promise Natalia made yesterday I believed she had changed her mind, but let's face it, she never did nor she will ever do so. It makes me so angry! Let's not care and shun the child until he remembers how he's supposed to be! Like I'm not even a human being worthy of someone else's care! And what would happen if I happen to remember, yet memories don't change the person I am now? What then? What then, uh?

There is the reason they're oh so sad I don't bother to please them. Why bother! The only one who cares is Master Van! Everyone else just wants their precious perfect Luke fon Fabre back, stupid childhood promise and all!

...

Though it works both ways, doesn't it? I was so sure I'd remember all my lessons once my memory came back that I had no interest in applying myself in anything that wasn't swordplay at first. Theory would be back, coordination and foot play and muscles wouldn't! And then no one would spend their time with a student who didn't want to learn. Master Van kept on mentoring me when everyone else went the other way, and I was so comfortable -all I had in mind was more time to spend with Master Van!- I didn't try to change the situation.

Though the Manners tutor totally saw it coming.

Natalia and I parted for the day still angry. At least I was angry outside, I have no way to know what she was thinking. I was angry at her because... It's hard to explain it, really. I do love her, love her like I love Mom and Dad and how I'd love a sister, but I won't let her walk all over me because she's more experienced than me. And how can I tell her I can't stand her missing my old memories and old self? She'd get all sad and look at me disappointed. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'd surely try to ask her to forgive me, but then everything would be back to the way it was before and nothing would change.

If I stay mad at her maybe she could get an idea or two, or at least understand there is something wrong. She's such a bleeding heart at times! Where did she get it from? Uncle is King and has to protect and guide his people and stuff, and then he goes and spends lots of time in his office or interacting with family and other nobles. The only contact he has with the people here is when the palace is open for public visits and really important announcements. Even then it's just a fraction of the city that can gather there.

Now I'm curious to know how normal people get important messages. There was that parade a few days ago, but after that nothing else big happened. I also doubt everyone is visited personally, even when it's soldiers looking for more people to enrol in the army. About that, I had an ugly reminder of it just upon reaching the orphanage. They apparently prefer orphans because they don't have a family that will keep them behind... I, I just can't believe it. Why didn't I whack that bastard on the head once or twice!

Maybe I could ask something about the Score too, I thought it said there weren't going to be wars so they were working toward peace! Does peace require enrolling people en masse? Does peace require following the Score to the point it tells you what to eat? I mean, do you remember when I said there are people who are told they're going to fix certain meals for dinner and lunch by a shiny stone, and then they go home and do so? It sounds so stupid, they've really got no imagination when it comes to think what they want to eat. Following the Score to the promised land sounds good, but to this point... I should tell the servants to cook specific recipes for me, so I'll always get to eat whatever I want, Score or not!

Of course, my servants will be able to eat whatever they want too. And I'll make sure their uniforms become them! Running around doing chores with ill-fitting clothes is not something I'd wish on anyone, gotta thank my clothing for sparring. And they'll also have plenty of free time. If they work a lot for their master, they deserve to be well taken and to be able to look after themselves. And I'd blacklist nooks if I could...

So, uh, Natalia's bleeding heart, yeah. She's probably stressed because they're trying to pull the children out of the building to shove weapons in their arms. Why didn't I think it first! Of course Natalia was going to explode at me, I kept her alone and worried and she must have witnessed such a cruel scene taking place... Why do things always seem clear and understandable long after the damage is done! Aw great, now I'm regretting and ashamed. Which means I'm going to do something pretty stupid real soon, then I'll hit myself for it later with your assistance.

Sometimes, I have the horrible feeling one day I'll stop caring about lots of things and just look forward to being officially free from the mansion. That door is a real lifesaver, isn't it? Otherwise I'd still be rotting in my room with nothing to do and I'd have no idea there's something wrong taking place there. I'd be just there, a lamb for slaughter.

...Am I, though? Maybe I'm just exaggerating. I don't like to say it but Natalia does have more experience than me at this, if it was absurd for her it's probably just a product of my imagination. I could keep on using it as an excuse for not explaining how I can get out of the manor though! So I won't have to admit she was right and I was wrong if it gets to that, she's impossible whenever she's given such chance.

They're calling me, got to see what they've got for me to do.

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><p>What in Yulia's name what <em>that<em>?

Short haired guy (his name begins with an F, or was it a V...? Still, can't remember it) told me whoever wasn't taking care of the kids or cleaning the place was going to pair up to get some hard work done, and since yesterday I managed to hurt myself more than once to do similar jobs they don't want to risk their health today. Or they imagined I could slip and knock someone else out with me, he wasn't really clear and I doubt I was supposed to hear that.

I was cool with that, somehow, until my partner turned out to be the jerk! Of course, we weren't finished being introduced to each other that he was already barking mad at me. Though he didn't slap me this time. Still, his glances of disgust weren't that _better_.

The jerk's got something in his head, I don't care he's going through bad times! He'd first ask me to do something, and then scream at me I was too slow or I wasn't doing it the way it's supposed to be done. It didn't matter if I tried to even beg for explanations or not, in the end he'd take whatever I had in my hands to first show me what I'm supposed to do and then shove it under my nose. I so wanted to shove that damn rope down his throat.

Then at the end, while everyone was resting in the garden, he came at me to thank me and then insult me over how incapable I am when it comes to carry out labour works commoners are used to. To him it's a miracle I lived to see my 15th birthday, let alone to see it without life threatening illnesses and missing limbs. I was going to reply at that when I remembered he had been eavesdropping on Natalia and me. He probably knows by now I'm Natalia's fiancé, so I don't get why he told me that. Nobles don't get to do commoners' jobs, even tomboy Natalia would have cracked way before me had she been here to work this afternoon.

I should ask him tomorrow what he meant with all that. I can't stand the fact he's a real jerk and if he manhandles me one more time he's going to get it!

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><p><em>While re-reading the previous chapters, I've noticed some things have sadly fallen out of Luke's attention (and mine as well '' ). They'll be back pretty soon, ithis isn't a Curtain fic after all.<em>

_I hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


	7. Day 7?

He's dead.

He's dead.

He's dead.

He's dead.

He's dead.

He's dead because of me.

I killed him.

It wasn't me! It wasn't my fault! He attacked me! I didn't! I didn't, didn't, didn't.

I should bury his corpse. Pay the last honours. But I can't. I threw him off the platform. He's not coming back. He fell into the abyss. He's not coming back, I can't bury him, I can't.

I don't know what I should do. I'm a murderer. Do murderers pay their respect? Are their victims denied of any dignity? It can't be me. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.

Master Van was right. Weapons are just tools. Because I killed and I was disarmed. There was no weapon but the one he tried to kill me with. I didn't want to kill him. It was his weapon, I turned it against him. It wasn't my fault. It happened. It wasn't me. It wasn't me, not me, not me, I wasn't the one who attacked. I just protected myself, didn't I? He attacked first. It wasn't my fault.

Natalia. Oh Yulia, Natalia. What is she going to think? Surely, I'm a murderer. Am I a beast? I killed to protect myself. I reacted on instincts. I swear I did. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't, does that make me a murderer? Poor Natalia, her fiancé is a murderer. The throne will be stained in blood.

He's still looking at me. He's in the abyss. Looking at me. Otherwise I wouldn't see him in the corner of my eyes. There! He's looking at me. From the abyss, from the darkness. I can't see him, he can. I can't protect myself now. There's nothing to protect myself from, except me. Will I enjoy washing clothes again? My hands are always red now. They're burning now. The blood wouldn't come off. I was stupid, I tried to clean myself on my own outfit. Now it looks like people tried to save themselves by clinging on me. And I let them fall down.

I wanted to leave the mansion behind. Now I did. Can I go back? Would they accept a murderer? It wasn't my fault, I swear. It wasn't, it can't be...

Mom. Mom will be so devastated. She's always so ill. I'm never home now, maybe never will be again. Is she going to die from her illness? Am I going to kill her too? Dad will hate me forever. If he gets me, I'll never leave my room. It's best to board murderers up. Or they will hurt someone else.

I didn't even care. Not my fault, not my fault. Didn't care, just saw him coming. I don't know his name. I can't bear to know it now. Even without a name he was a person I killed.

He screamed. I think he screamed. Maybe he didn't, maybe I imagined it. I had to leave. People always arrive whenever someone screams. It's an alarm or a cry for help or both. People always arrive. I had to leave, or they would find me.

It can't be my fault. Not me, not my fault. Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, because if it's my fault then...!

No. No, I can't think that. Not my fault. Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, no tmy fault, notmyfault, not may fault, not my fault,n otm y fault, _not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not myfault, notm fay fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, not my fault..._


	8. Day 9

_** Windsbane: **__If I'm not wrong, King Ingobert and Duke Fabre knew Luke's Closed Score since the beginning (I have no idea if Suzanne knew it too)). Luke remembering/re-learning his lost knowledge is not important in the eyes of the Score, and when Luke is confined to his mansion there is no need to maintain the façade he's being groomed for the throne._

_Now I don't remember everything but I'm under the impression everyone but Natalia took their share of the blame later in the game (Guy is the first one to acknowledge it was also his fault Luke grew up to be a spoiled kid since he had basically raised him, for example). Tear blamed him first and then everyone but Ion jumped on the boat, plus up to that point they still didn't know Luke was really 7 years old (except Jade, to whom it was trivial information) and the role Van had in it. _

_On the other side, Luke had been pretty much a load they couldn't rely on and a brat I'd have throttled had I been a character in the game at that point. He was a jerk to everyone but Van, who could see how insecure Luke was and how desperately he was trying to cling on something, anything. It's easy to see why he became the scapegoat: he had an abrasive personality, they had no way to know he had been hypnotized and, before that, brainwashed into believing he could trust only Van as shown in the CD dramas._

_** patrick the almighty observer:**__ Don't worry, it will take a while but eventually everything will come together. I can assure you it's going to be a nasty shock for Van :P_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Tales of the Abyss and the characters that appear in the game. I do not earn any money from this story. Unbeta'd._

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><p>I feel better now. Throwing those stained rags away helped too. I wish I could say the same about sleeping, finding a secure spot for me to lie down on at all was hard enough.<p>

...I don't want to remember this night. It was horrible, that's it.

I... I just freaked out real bad. It all happened so suddenly, I was with Natalia when I noticed there's one of those doors down the hallway. The next thing I know, I'm alone and a guy wearing a black cloak opens the door and attacks me.

That isn't right either. There's something I'm missing, but it's all so fuzzy and unfocused. There was a door, right in the middle of the hallway. I remember that, because I stayed behind and told Natalia I'd catch up later. It all happened in Uncle's castle. Uncle's, the King's palace! Despite being in Baticul as well, I couldn't understand where I was once in that smelly passage.

There's another problem right there: whatever laws regulate distance and space don't work inside those doors. I also ran away once... That... Happened.

I have no idea where I am now.

Wait, wait, wait. Let me restart from the beginning.

Natalia wasn't waiting for me at the orphanage. Instead, she made sure everyone but the servants who work at night fell off their beds early in the morning at the mansion. I guess she asked the people at the orphanage to know when I usually come to visit, though "usual" is pushing it. I've been there for what, two or three days? Not enough to form habits.

So, she arrives and pretends to have time to spend with me outside the mansion. She didn't tell a single thing about me being able to sneak out without alerting anyone, that's good blackmailing material she can hang on my head. Dad was absolutely against it: he argued it would be like rewarding me for being a stubborn brat and boarding myself up in my room for a good part of the last week.

Dad's screams could be heard through the whole mansion. I stayed with Mom the whole time, she was really happy to have me back and willing to be a cuddle toy. I mean, not that it gave me problems. There's nothing bad in being hugged by Mom and liking it! It's rare to see her serene and out of her bed too at the same time. Had I shunned her, I'd have broken her heart.

In the end, Dad was forced to surrender when Natalia pointed out there was no real punishment he could give me. What could he do, force me to stay in my room the whole day? As far as he knows, I've done that deliberately. Would he keep me interred in the mansion? Bid deal, he was already doing that and Natalia knew it wasn't effective against me anymore. So she suggested I could spend the whole day with her at the castle. It made sense to her: let me take a taste of fresh air, let me temporarily get what I always wanted so it will be even more painful when I'm forced back. Dad has nothing he can use against me as punishment except not letting Master Van teach me. Instead, she told him free days out could be my reward for good behaviour.

Natalia had this big smug smile on her face when she informed me. Of course, she had to remark I was further in debt with her after, thus I was going to do whatever she told me to do. Be it studying what I'm already supposed to know or getting in contact with the royal life I was destined to, I wasn't going to slip away. She swore she'd make sure of it.

It's bitterly ironic now.

Even worse, I had promised Mom I was going to share my first day outside the manor with her...

I didn't see Dad personally, thanks Yulia. Natalia dragged me to the palace while I was still half-dressed. She made good use of the fact my arms were trapped in the long sleeves of the outfit! She didn't even let me take my sword or anything else, as she was going to get me everything I needed for the day directly at her place. I may or not may have seen that weird glint in her eyes when I protested against wearing a dress, the same light some really disturbing maids had at home when they played dress-up doll. Natalia insisted it's my long hair, if I don't want to be forced into dresses then I should cut it short. I guess Uncle is exonerated because he's old and has a moustache.

I was actually having fun! The palace was a whole new place for me. I didn't have to sneak around knights and soldiers, it was very relaxing up until Natalia dropped this endless stack of books on me. "Just to start", she said! The stack was taller than me and it was only the beginning?!

But first, she wanted me to memorize the whole place so I wouldn't get lost on my way to the bathroom (her words, not mine. Can't really blame her). I took some parchment to write notes down, despite how much I had to stomp my foot for it: Natalia wanted me to commit everything to memory that moment, she felt I'd otherwise just write it down and forget it as soon as possible. Thanks Yulia she didn't feel the need to make me leave my emergency apple gel behind too. After that, we would have gone through proper behaviour at lunch and the proper way to treat guests and other important people.

Except _that_ happened.

While she was showing me a short-cut to the dining room in case of emergencies, I saw a door identical to the one behind my room in that hallway. It was impossible, that's what sprung to mind in that moment. I knew how to go from my room to one of the lower levels of Baticul, yet I had never seen any passage near any of them that lead to Uncle's palace. I must have spaced out, because Natalia was suddenly ahead of me and calling me to move it. I told her to wait for me at the dining room because I had something to do (bathroom, that was my excuse).

Before I knew it, a guy wearing a black cloak was on me.

This is when the actual memory eludes me. He shouted at me, but I was more concerned about the dagger that had barely missed my guts. The door was wide open for everyone to see, I wonder if someone else did see it. However, the first thing he did was... Pushing me through the door...? A vase broke, I still have the sign of that on my arm. Not fun, not when I keep on finding smashed pieces still embedded in my wounds.

There was no time for thinking. It was... It was so different from what I've been taught. You don't strike your opponent in honourable duels from behind. You don't take the advantage on a disarmed target -once he's without weapon, the duel's done.

I- I thought I was done for. He had me pinned on the ground by the throat. I couldn't see his face, just hear him spitting and scream like an animal. He was going to stab me. My right hand still hurts, it hurts to move it. The blade nearly ran through it, you know. But it gave me few precious moments. The dagger skidded out of his grasp. It was all finished when I retrieved it before he did.

Without his dagger he wasn't nearly as dangerous as before. He was also frightened. I could smell it. I think he begged me to stop.

I didn't.

No one came to look for me. No one came to stop me. So I didn't stop. I could only see red. He attacked me first! It wasn't my fault! Not my fault. I kept on chanting that in my head. Maybe I was even saying it out loud. Not my fault. It was his entire fault, wasn't it? That's why I stabbed him, again and again and again. Not my fault, never my fault, and eventually he grew still and didn't cry anymore.

That's when... When I actually removed the cloak to look at his face. It was the worst idea I ever had. Had I kept the cloak on, I could have gone on like nothing had happened. It was like a switch turned in my head and in front of me I had a human being. A person I had just killed.

I threw the body in the abyss. I assumed it would have made it better. I kept the cloak and ripped part of it to bandage temporarily my wounds, after I cleaned them with the water that filled the passage. At the time I didn't care. It was water, I needed it. As long as it wasn't mud I was fine with it. That's when it all came crashing down.

...I wasn't in the mental state to take any decision. I should have stayed where I was, calmed myself down and searched for the door that would have brought me back to Uncle's place. But all I could think was "not my fault, not my fault". For all I dreamed to leave my prison and live, I never imagined this could happen to me.

So. Here I am now. With only a cloak, useless writing instruments and a stomach-ache in the middle of nowhere. Funny, I can hear Guy commenting how good I am at hide-and-seek now. My head's spinning. The sky's so dark here, it seems it's already night. There aren't many people out right now. Everything's covered by a white sheet. It's quite cold to the touch.

I don't like the way people looked at me before. Shouldn't have come out. But I needed something to cover myself with. I couldn't keep those bloodied clothes. I threw them away. Maybe. Yes, I did. Hands are still red though. I got what I could from another man's trash. He clearly didn't need them, he dumped them and didn't look back. They'll do, for now.

Going back home became immediately difficult. Extremely so. I spent most of the day running up and down and soaking my boots. Crawling, mostly. Moving too much wouldn't have been good to my wounds, had to replace the bandages once or twice. I'd have recognized Baticul in a heartbeat, yet none of the doors I found ever opened to it. Couldn't stop to ask for information either. I wouldn't trust a person that appears suddenly out of thin ear or has broken in my house.

One place that refuses to go away had a giant tower seemingly in the middle of the city. That's because someone saw me, acted like they knew me. I claimed bad day and left as soon as I could. Never seen the chap beforehand. Quite unnerving, didn't even know if I was in Kimlasca or Malkuth. In both cases, no one should have ever seen. It has been seven years, is my red hair really that distinguishable?

I should go lay down a little. I can't focus on anything. It hurts to look at the paper, my vision's swimming and all. I'm also so tired. Stomach-ache and all, at least I won't feel it if I sleep. Perhaps tomorrow everything will be better. Have to go home at all costs. But tomorrow. So sleepy and cold now.

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><p><em>One of our years is just half of a year on Auldrant... This is going to be absurdly long despite how not every single day will be recorded. I can pretty much declare canon plot just went out of the window as well.<em>

_I'm aware Luke didn't collapse like this in canon: the idea is that not only the fact he has killed but also how he has killed his aggressor shocked him, and no one was there to snap him out of it or to reassure him it was fine to kill (on the battlefield, though). It's going to be a greater problem here for Luke has no reason to "do whatever it takes" either._

_I hope you enjoyed the chapter!_


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